Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. -John 13:23

You can follow Christ in a general way in the activities of Christian life, and so on, but there is a peculiar way of following Him. You can get, by God’s grace, very near your Master, and by still greater grace you can keep near to Him, and keep near to Him all your lives. I have never been able to hope for perfection in the flesh, but I believe that even Christian ought to strain after even perfection itself. I am afraid we have fixed the standard of what a Christian may be a deal too low; of what a. Christian should be it would not be possible to fix the standard too high. It is not needful for a Christian to be sometimes with Christ, and sometimes to lose fellowship. It is not necessary for a Christian to be full of doubts and fears. I met an elderly Christian some years ago who is now in heaven, whose word certainly I could never dare to have doubted, who told me that by the space of forty years he had never had a doubt of his own acceptance in the Beloved, and though he had had many troubles and trials, he did not know that his communion with Christ had once been interrupted. I marvelled at him, but I marvelled a great deal more at myself that I had not tried to get into the same place. Why not? If you are straitened, it certainly is not in your God; you are straitened in your own bowels. He never gave you legitimate cause to doubt Him, nor did He ever give you a reasonable excuse for forsaking fellowship with Him. Let us, oh! let us aim at keeping as near to Jesus as John did, and not, like Peter, follow afar off. Let it be the great prayer of our lives:

“Abide with me from morn till eve,
For without Thee I cannot live.”

Why need we leave Him, Certainly He will not leave us. Oh! that we may cling to Him closely, cling to Him and hold Him fast. ~ C.H. Spurgeon

https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/spurgeon_charles/sermons/3504.cfm